The Practice of Introspection I

I think about anything and everything when working on these pieces, and it does help address issues that I might perhaps be avoiding.   Or more importantly, it brings to light things that I may not have even considered.   For instance, my professional life is very important to me, but I was ill trained and prepared for some of the things that I am dealing with.   So these little guys help me settle down, take a breather, and help focus the emotional from the external.   Even now, my mind wanders to what I could improve  or try again at.   It even wanders to others perceptions of me as someone who does that particular job.   And that affects how I do the job.   How much time should I invest in it?   I can not give all of myself to it, but I like to be helpful and available.   That is one of my downfalls.   Am I doing the best job that I can do?   But there is always more to learn, more to do.   And then the inevitable self doubt.   And I think about leaving it behind because I am fearful.   Fearful of success.   Fearful of failure.   Fearful of being perceived as an idiot, or someone who is un-trust worthy, which is actually absurd, because I am none of those things.   But I fear being it.   Fearful of not being good enough.   That is it right there.



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